Irony of Self Care

I just returned from the Great Lakes Conference annual Pastor/Spouse retreat at the St. Joseph's Christian Life Center in Cleveland, OH. To be frank, it was a lesson in irony.

The grounds were beautiful and inspirational. My favorite feature was the garden path winding from the main building to Lake Erie along which were the "fifteen" stations of the cross. The fifteenth station was an empty cross reminding us that Jesus is risen, alive and sitting at the right hand of the Father. SJCLC is the retreat center for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Cleveland. Knowing the RC ties, I was deathly afraid of the 4' 6" tall gray haired woman that served us our food. I think she was a nun. Don't get me wrong, she was very sweet and kind, but I swore I could see the shape of a wooden ruler sticking out from her back pocket. Anyone who went to parochial school will know what I'm talking about. So the first irony was that I, an excommunicated Roman Catholic (a result of leaving the RC church), was welcomed to rest at a RC retreat center.

We were greeted by very obvious signs posted at the entrances with a picture of a pistol and a red line through it. The sign read, "Firearm Free Zone." Apparently there must be a problem with pastors and other people seeking a respite bringing their pistols with them. To add to the irony, when checking in I asked for room keys and was politely told that there were no locks on the doors, "We use the honor system." Well that's all fine and good as long as the pistol-toting crazy person who is coming to inflict chaos on the center adheres to the Firearm Free Zone signs and abides by the honor system." --- I was going to wreak havoc amongst you people but I see you have a sign and an honor system. Damn. Now I must return to the loony-bin from whence I came."

I found even more irony in that this retreat was more about learning how to take a retreat than it was a retreat. Now, please don't misunderstand, I am very grateful for this opportunity to get away (especially because the conference picked up the tab for us) and there was one part of the second day that we spent in solitude and reflection (fantastic). That being said, the question was asked several times, "Are you taking care of yourself?" We were told repeatedly, "You need to practice self care." Well, I thought that was why I was at the retreat in the first place. Nothing like a bunch of pastors getting together to "learn" how to take a retreat rather than actually do it. Those who can't do, teach!

I have told God in the past that I want to know him better. During our time of solitude and reflection we were given a story of the Jogging Monk (very good story) and a section of scripture to meditate on (Colossians 3:1-17). Verse 10 of the passage reads, "...Put on the new self. This is the new being which God, its Creator, is constantly renewing in his own image, in order to bring you to a full knowledge of himself" (GNT). Sometimes I get so conceited in my faith. When I left the RC church it was because I thought their theology was flawed and there was nothing more I could learn. I find it ironic that God answered this prayer in a Catholic retreat center, reading a translation of the bible that is commonly used in Catholic practice, after reading a story about a Catholic Monk.

It was a good time away. A time to realize the irony of self care.