Irony of Self Care

I just returned from the Great Lakes Conference annual Pastor/Spouse retreat at the St. Joseph's Christian Life Center in Cleveland, OH. To be frank, it was a lesson in irony.

The grounds were beautiful and inspirational. My favorite feature was the garden path winding from the main building to Lake Erie along which were the "fifteen" stations of the cross. The fifteenth station was an empty cross reminding us that Jesus is risen, alive and sitting at the right hand of the Father. SJCLC is the retreat center for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Cleveland. Knowing the RC ties, I was deathly afraid of the 4' 6" tall gray haired woman that served us our food. I think she was a nun. Don't get me wrong, she was very sweet and kind, but I swore I could see the shape of a wooden ruler sticking out from her back pocket. Anyone who went to parochial school will know what I'm talking about. So the first irony was that I, an excommunicated Roman Catholic (a result of leaving the RC church), was welcomed to rest at a RC retreat center.

We were greeted by very obvious signs posted at the entrances with a picture of a pistol and a red line through it. The sign read, "Firearm Free Zone." Apparently there must be a problem with pastors and other people seeking a respite bringing their pistols with them. To add to the irony, when checking in I asked for room keys and was politely told that there were no locks on the doors, "We use the honor system." Well that's all fine and good as long as the pistol-toting crazy person who is coming to inflict chaos on the center adheres to the Firearm Free Zone signs and abides by the honor system." --- I was going to wreak havoc amongst you people but I see you have a sign and an honor system. Damn. Now I must return to the loony-bin from whence I came."

I found even more irony in that this retreat was more about learning how to take a retreat than it was a retreat. Now, please don't misunderstand, I am very grateful for this opportunity to get away (especially because the conference picked up the tab for us) and there was one part of the second day that we spent in solitude and reflection (fantastic). That being said, the question was asked several times, "Are you taking care of yourself?" We were told repeatedly, "You need to practice self care." Well, I thought that was why I was at the retreat in the first place. Nothing like a bunch of pastors getting together to "learn" how to take a retreat rather than actually do it. Those who can't do, teach!

I have told God in the past that I want to know him better. During our time of solitude and reflection we were given a story of the Jogging Monk (very good story) and a section of scripture to meditate on (Colossians 3:1-17). Verse 10 of the passage reads, "...Put on the new self. This is the new being which God, its Creator, is constantly renewing in his own image, in order to bring you to a full knowledge of himself" (GNT). Sometimes I get so conceited in my faith. When I left the RC church it was because I thought their theology was flawed and there was nothing more I could learn. I find it ironic that God answered this prayer in a Catholic retreat center, reading a translation of the bible that is commonly used in Catholic practice, after reading a story about a Catholic Monk.

It was a good time away. A time to realize the irony of self care.

A Dad in Family Worship

Being one of the pastors at Artisan, I have a philosophy and theory on Children's Ministry, but, as my wife pointed out recently, I really haven't ever sat with the children and experienced what CM is like personally. That all changed this past Sunday.

Partially as a desire to experience the new set up we are endeavoring to create at Artisan, but also because it was my wife's first opportunity to play flute in the band, I chose to remove myself from most of the pastoral duties and just be "Daddy" to our two children (3 and 9 mo.). Here are a few of my reactions and thoughts for future improvements of Artisan CM.

Positives - It was absolutely wonderful to be with my children. I usually don't get this opportunity, so it was a treat for me. Some might comment that I should try it week after week, then describe how much I love it. To such a comment I'd say, yes, it was different. Yes, a lot of my attention was split between singing, prayer, and the kids. And, yes, I even felt a little stressed when one child was spitting up while the other was "coloring" with the glue stick. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. These are my children, they are my God-given responsibility and I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would expect me to abdicate that responsibility simply because I walk in the doors of a church.

I got to sing and dance with my children. OK, so the three year old wasn’t crazy about the dancing and singing, but my baby loved it. Our message was on the Artisan value of “rootedness” and I could explain to my son the parts of a plant and how the plant gets its minerals and water from the roots, kinda like how he eats. We drew and colored a flower and then glued a very simple plant puzzle together (thus the “coloring” with the glue stick incident). During this time I was able to talk with him about roots.

Negatives - As I said earlier, I definitely wasn’t able to give my whole attention to the worship gathering. We are still working out ways to minister to families with multiple children or single parents, or children of parents heavily involved in the worship. I think we need to make it a semi-hard rule (realizing things are definitely fluid at this point) that a child is either in or out of the Family Worship Area. A couple of the older (3 and 4 years old) children were hopping back and forth over the divider, which caused the other children to want to do the same. Unfortunately these were also the children of parents who were very involved in the service and could not be present at all times. So, we need to talk further about how we deal with this situation and whose responsibility it is to make sure children in this situation have appropriate supervision (and more than that, guidance, encouragement, loving attention and instruction).

In closing, I want to reiterate that it was a wonderful experience. I know this is shifting some paradigms and challenging some of what North American Evangelicalism has seen as foundational to the future of the church. But I fully support what Pastor Jason said at our CM meeting Wednesday. The status quo is what has gotten us to the point that we are at currently. Namely disconnected youth who want nothing at all to do with the church. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. I don’t know if this change will improve upon the current situation. I believe it will. I am confident it won’t do any more harm than the way most churches do CM.

The Challenge of Children's Ministry

I am a pastor of a new church in Upstate New York. Artisan Church is endeavoring to address some of the difficulties of contemporary Children's Ministry (CM). As such we have developed a Philosophy of Childrens ministry which I have posted below. I invite your thoughts and comments.

Philosophy of Children’s Ministry

At Artisan Church we recognize the tremendous value of families learning and growing together. As such, we are endeavoring to create a worship space that welcomes and encourages the spiritual health and growth of individuals as well as entire family groups. We recognize that some of the means to accomplish this value are different than those who are familiar with Children’s Ministries and very counter-cultural to much of what we see in society today.

We realize that much of society encourages the use of childcare in order to provide appropriate, age-specific play and instruction for children while allowing the to focus his and/or her attentions completely on the task at hand (work, shopping, worship, etc.). While this may be a societal norm, we believe another solution is more Biblical and healthier for the child, the (s), and the church body.

Healthier Children

Children need the contact of their parents or guardians for emotional, mental, and spiritual health. Amidst daycare, school, extracurricular activities, and hobbies we believe the worship gathering should stand as a place to unify a family in a society that favors fracturing it. Unfortunately many of the s of children’s ministry in North American Evangelicalism do just that. From Infant Care all the way up through High School Youth Ministry, children are separated from s and the worship gathering. We have lost sight of the biblical instruction to train up our children, passing on our faith to the third and fourth generations.

Healthier Adults

Unfortunately, Christianity today has turned overwhelmingly inward focused. The myth is that in order for a person to grow spiritually one must always do so on an individual basis. This also often results in a “me” centered approach to worship (e.g. I only worship with hymn/rock/praise/ organ music, I didn’t get much out of worship today, etc.).

We recognize that a parent/guardian watching a one year old, for example, will not be able to focus 100% of his or her attention on the worship or message. However, we also recognize the incredible blessing of a parent/guardian and child(ren) learning and growing as a family. Keeping the family together will naturally allow conversation about what was spoken, sung, or enacted during a Sunday worship time to flow into the remainder of the week and life. Children that have always observed their parents praying, singing, and learning will be more likely to desire to do the same as they mature.

Healthier Church

The trend in modern evangelicalism is for churches to have to reinvent themselves every twenty years or so. We believe this is because the current children and youth ministry separates children from the worship. As children grow into s, especially during the formative teen years, our youth begin to identify and come to embrace their place of worship and ministry which, unfortunately, is something completely different from the worship. The result is a generation of youth that leave the youth program after High School and enter a worship space and style they have never known. This also creates a void in the worship where subsequent generations have not been involved in the gradual maturation and shaping of the church. Instead of change occurring in smaller increments that speak to and reach the younger generations, huge leaps of style and method are now necessary (e.g. the “Traditional” vs. “Contemporary” worship controversy).

Allowing our children to influence the shape and style of our worship gatherings encourages a sense of place and ownership. Theoretically it will avoid the problem of a church worship style losing touch with the world it finds itself in.