Broken, Empowered, Inspired

During our training I remember hearing from a couple church planters who were a year or more ahead of where we were that “you will be broken.” I always thought that meant we would reach a place of burn-out and that we would realize that we could not do this “church thing” in our own power, but through the power of God. And that is definitely true and we have experienced that variety of physical and/or mental brokenness both individually and corporately at Artisan. What I did not expect however is a brokenness of heart.

Over the past month and a half our Staff, Leadership Team, and church family have been praying and fasting for God’s heart and vision for the future. Specifically, we were asking if we should go to multiple services and multiple venues for our gathered worship. We expected direction, a firm “yes” or “no” to the question, “Should we go to multiple services.” What we experienced, however, was more akin to the experience of Nehemiah as he heard the report of the state of Jerusalem. The people in Jerusalem were living in disgrace and shame (Neh 1:3), and up to this point, did not see a way out of their predicament. Nehemiah, much like our Leadership Team ”sat down and wept, and mourned for days, fasting and praying before the God of heaven (Neh 1:4).” God broke Nehemiah’s heart for the people of Jerusalem and he broke ours for our own people.

God revealed our failings as a Leadership Team and a church. We wept and mourned because of our own “functional atheism.” We were acknowledging God exists with our minds, but our actions showed we had little need of Him. We wept for the hundreds of lives that are in disgrace and shame, many of whom may not even recognize it, and need godly leadership to restore them to a place of honor and glory in God’s kingdom. We wept because of our fear of the unknown and our lack of faith to move us forward. We wept because we realized that God wants to do incredible things through frail people like us. And we prayed.

Through our prayer we realized that this brokenness and humility is exactly where God wants leadership born from. Nehemiah started there, Jesus started there as the Creator humbled himself to be baptized by John the Baptist (one of the creation!). We recognized our need to be continually in prayer. When Nehemiah faced Sanballat and Tobiah he prayed. When there was murmuring within the ranks that were rebuilding the wall, he prayed. When he cast vision, he prayed. When the wall was completed, he prayed. After Jesus was baptized and before he began his public ministry, he spent 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness fasting and praying. It is in this continued prayer that God moved us to the place of vision.

God has inspired the Leadership at Artisan to move forward with the plan to begin multiple service times and venues. The reasons for doing so are a bit different now than they were before we started this journey. Now we are propelled forward by the brokenness for the things and people that break God’s heart. We realize that our neighbors and the students on the college campuses all around us are in disgrace and shame. We are moved by the idea that we could pour the grace and love of God through the Holy Spirit into these lives, no matter how short a time they are here (we estimate the average time a person stays at Artisan is two years because many are college students). We have a vision for raising up the next generation of godly leaders and sending them out to new neighborhoods where they will share the restoration that can only be found in God through His son, Jesus.

A friend recently shared a prayer with us. This prayer is attributed to Sir Francis Drake who, while he may have been a legalized pirate, wrote one of the most motivational prayers ever written in that it both breaks and inspires the reader at the same time. The prayer is titled “Disturb Us.” While uncomfortable and, at times, painful, we thank God for our brokenness. This experience has reaffirmed that it is the foolish (weak/broken) things of this world that God uses to confound the wise (1 Cor 1:27-28). We are nothing but cracked pots, but we carry an immeasurable treasure “to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us (2 Cor 4:7)”. Disturb us, Lord, I pray!

Sexual Abuse Neglected

Artisan Church recently completed a series called Sex, Love, & God; a study of the Song of Solomon. I brought a message on Feb 19 entitled "Sexual Healing: Doubts, Difficulties, and Dysfunctions" in which I spoke of many things related to the hurts, hang-ups, and habits that interfere with a healthy, mutually monogamous, life-long, committed sexual relationship. In response to the message one of our online listeners brought to my attention that I neglected a very important cause of some sexual dysfunction; sexual abuse. She does an excellent job summing up the oversight, so I thought it best to let you read her words:

Brian,
I listened to your pod cast re. sexual healing and I hope you are willing to engage a digital conversation over its content.
I wonder why you did not address the issue of sexual abuse? Your message applies very logically to someone who has not been sexually abused. But, for a person who has been abused as a child, your message had the (no doubt unentended) consequence of being quite toxic. A person w/ this background needs to learn in their body as well as in their head that they do indeed have the right to determine what their body will or will not do. The reason for this need is that someone in their early life abused the privaledge of their power over the child's body. The results of that abusive is that the central nervous system of the person learned to react to w/ the guilt and shame of having to submit to that person who had power over them. Learning to let go of that fear, guilt and shame that is in the body is a process of healing. In m ost cases, this process takes time and an enourmous amount of patience on the part of both marriage partners. In a marriage w/ a good partner, the partner's ability to receive a "no" when necessary and be in full undertanding of the (metaphorical) "demons" the spouse may be battling re. is actsexually part of the healing process.
The closest way to think of this in your sermon is, for a long period of time, this is almost like that time of "prayer," where the partners understand that God's grace needs to be fleshed out in the person's life. This does not mean no , but it does mean that the person who has been abused needs to avoid any setting in which a message such as yours is spoken or enacted or embraced, ie, "the other gets priority." But rather, in love, the other gives priority to the one who needs healing because of their compassion for what the other is facing and recieving healing from. This extended time can be seen as a "time of prayer" for healing.
However, often the person who was abused is the one who has to work hard to bring the spouse to that undertanding. So, there is another reason why your message had the unentended toxic quality. It discouraged couples from entering into a an extended time of that kind of "prayer and healing." There are few places in society and no place, that I have found, in church, that affirm the need for this kind of process and understanding. Yet, we know that, statistically, 1 out of 3 women in our country were sexually abused at some time in their life. So, even if church is a self selected group of people who were from better backgrouds and the odds go way down, what if only 1 out of every 10 women in your church were sexually abused as a child? The odds are better for men, but they do exist. I propose that even for such low odds, the s who were sexually abused, and the s who are currently sexually abusing their children, need a frank discussion of how their healing process might unfold.
Now, of course, the long term goal of this extended time of healing is that both members of the couple love and enjoy having w/ each other! And, it does happen. But it is much less likely to happen when people of authority tell the person who was abused that "they don't have priority" over their own body.
It is for the above reason that I really wish any sermon such as yours would deal w/ the issue of sexual abuse, and make very very clear that a person w/ such a background really needs to get professional help in their healing process. I would even go so far as to preach two sermons, one on sexual healing for persons w/ healthy backgrounds, and then another for persons who have been sexually abused as children.
The person who has been abused needs to have a sermon that stops way at the beginning of your message and takes lots of time to focus on the issue of how guilt and shame can become part of our central nervous system, and what kind of process it takes to be healed of such a thing, and for the spouse, how to turn that time of having to face what their spouse may be facing into a time of "prayer," both for them and for the children who are being raised in our day!
If you have any interest in doing any research on this topic, I can give you some good resources. And, for those who have been abused, might I also encourage you to do some research before you preach on this topic again?

Sincerely,
"Interested."

The "zinger" question at the end was hurtful, but obviously "Interested" was deeply offended by the lack of any mention of sexual abuse in the message. My hope is that my discussion of 1 Corinthians 7 in the message would encourage both partners to put the other's needs first (whatever they are), meaning that if healing needs to take place, the other partner is lovingly encouraging that healing. Obviously I didn’t do a very good job getting that message across. My only excuse for the oversight is that we were endeavoring to discuss a multitude of sexual problems and healing via systematically (i.e. line upon line) working through the content of two chapters of the Song of Songs in one message (5:2-7:9). Even so, I ask for forgiveness from any person(s) hurt by the neglect of this vital topic. I agree that more needs to be said about the issue of sexual abuse and healing from the same and this post is just one attempt to move forward in that direction. There is also a list of some tremendous reading resources at the message description (scroll down to 2/19) and I can make some great referrals to wonderful Christian counselors here in the Rochester, NY area.

I think it is also important to note that the absence of such discussion within the message was not out of a sense of callousness, apathy, or even unfamiliarity. I have first-hand knowledge of the devastating repercussions of sexual abuse. I was sexually abused by a family member from the ages of 3-5 and live with the consequences every day. Let me also be an encouragement to any who are victims of such abuse and say that there is hope, you can find healing and wholeness. I can tell you from personal experience that healing will be a rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows, pain and peace, and it will take time, but it is possible. God bless you on your journey of healing.

Irony of Self Care

I just returned from the Great Lakes Conference annual Pastor/Spouse retreat at the St. Joseph's Christian Life Center in Cleveland, OH. To be frank, it was a lesson in irony.

The grounds were beautiful and inspirational. My favorite feature was the garden path winding from the main building to Lake Erie along which were the "fifteen" stations of the cross. The fifteenth station was an empty cross reminding us that Jesus is risen, alive and sitting at the right hand of the Father. SJCLC is the retreat center for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Cleveland. Knowing the RC ties, I was deathly afraid of the 4' 6" tall gray haired woman that served us our food. I think she was a nun. Don't get me wrong, she was very sweet and kind, but I swore I could see the shape of a wooden ruler sticking out from her back pocket. Anyone who went to parochial school will know what I'm talking about. So the first irony was that I, an excommunicated Roman Catholic (a result of leaving the RC church), was welcomed to rest at a RC retreat center.

We were greeted by very obvious signs posted at the entrances with a picture of a pistol and a red line through it. The sign read, "Firearm Free Zone." Apparently there must be a problem with pastors and other people seeking a respite bringing their pistols with them. To add to the irony, when checking in I asked for room keys and was politely told that there were no locks on the doors, "We use the honor system." Well that's all fine and good as long as the pistol-toting crazy person who is coming to inflict chaos on the center adheres to the Firearm Free Zone signs and abides by the honor system." --- I was going to wreak havoc amongst you people but I see you have a sign and an honor system. Damn. Now I must return to the loony-bin from whence I came."

I found even more irony in that this retreat was more about learning how to take a retreat than it was a retreat. Now, please don't misunderstand, I am very grateful for this opportunity to get away (especially because the conference picked up the tab for us) and there was one part of the second day that we spent in solitude and reflection (fantastic). That being said, the question was asked several times, "Are you taking care of yourself?" We were told repeatedly, "You need to practice self care." Well, I thought that was why I was at the retreat in the first place. Nothing like a bunch of pastors getting together to "learn" how to take a retreat rather than actually do it. Those who can't do, teach!

I have told God in the past that I want to know him better. During our time of solitude and reflection we were given a story of the Jogging Monk (very good story) and a section of scripture to meditate on (Colossians 3:1-17). Verse 10 of the passage reads, "...Put on the new self. This is the new being which God, its Creator, is constantly renewing in his own image, in order to bring you to a full knowledge of himself" (GNT). Sometimes I get so conceited in my faith. When I left the RC church it was because I thought their theology was flawed and there was nothing more I could learn. I find it ironic that God answered this prayer in a Catholic retreat center, reading a translation of the bible that is commonly used in Catholic practice, after reading a story about a Catholic Monk.

It was a good time away. A time to realize the irony of self care.

A Dad in Family Worship

Being one of the pastors at Artisan, I have a philosophy and theory on Children's Ministry, but, as my wife pointed out recently, I really haven't ever sat with the children and experienced what CM is like personally. That all changed this past Sunday.

Partially as a desire to experience the new set up we are endeavoring to create at Artisan, but also because it was my wife's first opportunity to play flute in the band, I chose to remove myself from most of the pastoral duties and just be "Daddy" to our two children (3 and 9 mo.). Here are a few of my reactions and thoughts for future improvements of Artisan CM.

Positives - It was absolutely wonderful to be with my children. I usually don't get this opportunity, so it was a treat for me. Some might comment that I should try it week after week, then describe how much I love it. To such a comment I'd say, yes, it was different. Yes, a lot of my attention was split between singing, prayer, and the kids. And, yes, I even felt a little stressed when one child was spitting up while the other was "coloring" with the glue stick. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. These are my children, they are my God-given responsibility and I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would expect me to abdicate that responsibility simply because I walk in the doors of a church.

I got to sing and dance with my children. OK, so the three year old wasn’t crazy about the dancing and singing, but my baby loved it. Our message was on the Artisan value of “rootedness” and I could explain to my son the parts of a plant and how the plant gets its minerals and water from the roots, kinda like how he eats. We drew and colored a flower and then glued a very simple plant puzzle together (thus the “coloring” with the glue stick incident). During this time I was able to talk with him about roots.

Negatives - As I said earlier, I definitely wasn’t able to give my whole attention to the worship gathering. We are still working out ways to minister to families with multiple children or single parents, or children of parents heavily involved in the worship. I think we need to make it a semi-hard rule (realizing things are definitely fluid at this point) that a child is either in or out of the Family Worship Area. A couple of the older (3 and 4 years old) children were hopping back and forth over the divider, which caused the other children to want to do the same. Unfortunately these were also the children of parents who were very involved in the service and could not be present at all times. So, we need to talk further about how we deal with this situation and whose responsibility it is to make sure children in this situation have appropriate supervision (and more than that, guidance, encouragement, loving attention and instruction).

In closing, I want to reiterate that it was a wonderful experience. I know this is shifting some paradigms and challenging some of what North American Evangelicalism has seen as foundational to the future of the church. But I fully support what Pastor Jason said at our CM meeting Wednesday. The status quo is what has gotten us to the point that we are at currently. Namely disconnected youth who want nothing at all to do with the church. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. I don’t know if this change will improve upon the current situation. I believe it will. I am confident it won’t do any more harm than the way most churches do CM.

The Challenge of Children's Ministry

I am a pastor of a new church in Upstate New York. Artisan Church is endeavoring to address some of the difficulties of contemporary Children's Ministry (CM). As such we have developed a Philosophy of Childrens ministry which I have posted below. I invite your thoughts and comments.

Philosophy of Children’s Ministry

At Artisan Church we recognize the tremendous value of families learning and growing together. As such, we are endeavoring to create a worship space that welcomes and encourages the spiritual health and growth of individuals as well as entire family groups. We recognize that some of the means to accomplish this value are different than those who are familiar with Children’s Ministries and very counter-cultural to much of what we see in society today.

We realize that much of society encourages the use of childcare in order to provide appropriate, age-specific play and instruction for children while allowing the to focus his and/or her attentions completely on the task at hand (work, shopping, worship, etc.). While this may be a societal norm, we believe another solution is more Biblical and healthier for the child, the (s), and the church body.

Healthier Children

Children need the contact of their parents or guardians for emotional, mental, and spiritual health. Amidst daycare, school, extracurricular activities, and hobbies we believe the worship gathering should stand as a place to unify a family in a society that favors fracturing it. Unfortunately many of the s of children’s ministry in North American Evangelicalism do just that. From Infant Care all the way up through High School Youth Ministry, children are separated from s and the worship gathering. We have lost sight of the biblical instruction to train up our children, passing on our faith to the third and fourth generations.

Healthier Adults

Unfortunately, Christianity today has turned overwhelmingly inward focused. The myth is that in order for a person to grow spiritually one must always do so on an individual basis. This also often results in a “me” centered approach to worship (e.g. I only worship with hymn/rock/praise/ organ music, I didn’t get much out of worship today, etc.).

We recognize that a parent/guardian watching a one year old, for example, will not be able to focus 100% of his or her attention on the worship or message. However, we also recognize the incredible blessing of a parent/guardian and child(ren) learning and growing as a family. Keeping the family together will naturally allow conversation about what was spoken, sung, or enacted during a Sunday worship time to flow into the remainder of the week and life. Children that have always observed their parents praying, singing, and learning will be more likely to desire to do the same as they mature.

Healthier Church

The trend in modern evangelicalism is for churches to have to reinvent themselves every twenty years or so. We believe this is because the current children and youth ministry separates children from the worship. As children grow into s, especially during the formative teen years, our youth begin to identify and come to embrace their place of worship and ministry which, unfortunately, is something completely different from the worship. The result is a generation of youth that leave the youth program after High School and enter a worship space and style they have never known. This also creates a void in the worship where subsequent generations have not been involved in the gradual maturation and shaping of the church. Instead of change occurring in smaller increments that speak to and reach the younger generations, huge leaps of style and method are now necessary (e.g. the “Traditional” vs. “Contemporary” worship controversy).

Allowing our children to influence the shape and style of our worship gatherings encourages a sense of place and ownership. Theoretically it will avoid the problem of a church worship style losing touch with the world it finds itself in.